I was watching a bunch of Woke Karen Meltdown videos on Youtube and in one of those clips, some lunatic was repeatedly shouting “ I am not having it!!” At first, it made me laugh and then, I had an epiphany. That should be the idiom of my life. That’s how I feel toward 90% of shit in this world. (e.g. Not having “communist style” forced vaccines) Still, I am able to get by focusing on that 10% which I am apparently good at. Life has been often unkind to me especially over the last few months but I have my own very unique and creative way of getting over all the hardships life has given me. It’s not that I am the unlucky one but I am just in my AP calculous class while others are taking algebra. Stupid Algebra people are so proud that they got A plus and make fun of me for only getting C minus…but the truth is…they don’t know shit about what I am dealing with. Yes, that’s what’s happening most of the time. This course is only for the advanced and old souls who are getting ready to graduate. I am not coming back. Ever. That’s for sure. However, it doesn’t make me a pessimist. I am going to make every second of this fucking miserable thing called life memorable especially because it’s my last chance. Soon I am going back to Khaosan and drink that coconut juice as if nothing has happened…also, I need to seriously start thinking about what to wear for my senior prom.
* Since I have to do lots of walking before my health allows me to return to muay thai scene, I created a new music list to accompany me. I tried every genre but nothing beats American Rock’n Roll. Check out “Walking like hell because I am a FATASS.” by Bommyunnie on Spotify. Because one thing in this world “I AM NOT HAVING” for sure is a fat old hag who blames everything on her hormones.
(3 versions of Long Tall Sally as it is an excellent source of adrenaline rush.) One of the French films I adore…there’s one thing I have in common with these MILFs:
same age group … which is enough reason why I can relate Losing health humbled me so I had to renew my bucket list that includes...
My most affordable healing therapy. These are Mary earrings. Mary has been helping me tremendously on my journey. Even my doctors are blessed by her. I wanted to honor that.
Although there is so much evil in this world, I am focusing on good things and good people who saved my life. There is a choice you can make between resentment and gratitude. I want to stick to what makes me happy not sad. I am practicing art of living in the divine will. I, too, belong to the flower family just like roses and lilies. I just bloom late and in the most unlikely place. I am a mystic plant so may not fit into your IKEA vase. But I still want you to look at me and tell me I am beautiful That’s the flower in me… “Lotus flowers lead harrowing journeys. Their seeds sprout in murky swamp water, thick with dirt and debris and snarls of roots. For a lotus to bloom, she must forge her way through this terrible darkness, avoid being eaten by fish and insects, and keep pressing onward, innately knowing, or at least hoping, that there is sunlight somewhere above the water's surface, if she can only summon the strength to get there. And when she does, she emerges unscathed by her journey and blooms triumphantly.” -Sarah Jio but beautiful…
In my dream, I was one of the Goonies and on our way to set out on an adventure, I was asked to tell each Goonies members what good qualities he had and I really enjoyed doing it because it was my specialty. All this time, somebody was staring at me with a smile. He was their uncle or something but it didn’t feel creepy. He said that he liked me because I was very positive. I fell in love with him as still a young girl. I liked how matured he sounded. I woke up and looked up “The Goonies.” It was quite a long ago when I watched it so I completely forgot what it was all about. Basically, it was about “rejects”…rejected by museums and popular kids. It all makes sense now.
“I believe that maturity is not an outgrowing, but a growing up: that an adult is not a dead child, but a child who survived.”- Ursula K. Le Guin "The whole series of my life appeared to me as a dream; I sometimes doubted if indeed it were all true, for it never presented itself to my mind with the force of reality." Mary Shelley, Frankenstein Life consists of events that don't necessarily make a whole lotta sense. It's because they are not supposed to mean much on their own. The only thing that matters is how you're soul is transformed and expanded through them. So whether good or bad, do not give them too much power. Do not get carried away. They shall all pass. What you gotta do is not to lose your soul while this strange dream lasts. “I like to dive into a dream world that I’ve made, a world I chose and that I have complete control over.” David Lynch
The other day, I asked my 8year old nephew Sean "Why do you like Bobo so much? I am just Azooma (an old woman)" He replied "Because you are super FUNNY!" I loved the fact that my whole complicated existence was summed up in such a simple adjective. He obviously has no idea what I am going through now but does it really matter? I am the funny one and I will be forever rememered that way.
God constantly asks “Who are you?” and if you manage to answer it, he teaches you one or two more new things about you. Not everyone is open to this conversation. A person with PhD degree doesn’t necessarily know (or scared to find out) who he really is because once you acquire that knowledge, you just can’t live against it and it may not be coherent with your ego…your desire to fit in. Believe me. It’s not very pleasant to feel “unfit”. Actually, it’s mortifying. I am not proud. I am not bragging about it. I’d rather want you to treat me like everyone else. I want what everyone else has. I want a comfortable life even if it’s false and fake. But then, next time God throws me the exact same question, I will have to hide my ass. I will have to create lies after lies. It will be too much work too. So…I don’t know. In the meantime, I really like myself. I agree my life is shit but me as a human being is out-fucking-standing. My vision is soooo great that sometimes I see gold where there’s shit. I might be a misfit but I am perfectly fit for my own mission…very specific and unique. Nobody else can do it but me. Therefore, I want to keep living as me…following my own values, timeline and north star…the loneliest yet the brightest. “No I don’t want you to grieve for me & my misery because that’s my fuckin’ privilege.
I wish to go into my cave and quietly indulge while watching Youtube.” -INFP proverb- |
Queen of BoimiaINFP, MENSA, HSP, Sigma, Indigo, Scorpio, Snake, AB+type, Situs Inversus Totalis, Sacred clown, High priestess & Enfant terrible. She speaks Boimian (보임어) along with Kofranglish & Cospagnol. Archives
April 2024
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